When you look at your calendar and notice that you are on Day 16, and decided that the topic would be “Love.” **Begins singing Love by Musiq Soulchild** Am I ready to talk about the four letter word?
I’ve experienced love before, a time or two. I even thought I was close to marriage, and then I realized it wasn’t love. Someone once told me that you can be in love with the thought of a person, and not the person. That statement changed the way I looked at love. I opened up about how I witnessed true love as an adult in one of my first interviews. You can listen to that podcast here.
My iPod is full of 90s R&B music. I believe in love, not just for myself, but for those around me. This year, I was able to be apart of two weddings, in May and September. Being able to see the two relationships blossom was something that I needed to witness to reassure me that love was still possible.
I learned a long time ago that you can tell whomever you want, whatever you want especially when it comes to love. The real test comes when you apply action. My father was never really big on uttering the four letter word. One of his strongest attributes was being a provider. Sometimes I felt as if he believed what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.
I can remember standing at the bus stop in college, and I was on the phone with my dad. He was never big on having long phone conversations. He said what he had to say and concluded the call. This particular day I had to hit the pause button. I had to stop him and tell him that as his daughter I needed to hear that he loved me more. I needed to hear it from my father even though I NEVER felt as though he didn’t love me, I just wanted to hear it. I recognized in that moment that I needed to speak up about how I wanted to be treated, and it had to start with my father.
Can I be honest with you? It was hard for me to say I love you first, to anyone. Rejection was probably the reason. What if this person that I said it to, didn’t say it back? Reality set in and I realized it was hurting me more by not letting others know that I love them, and to stop looking for someone to always return the favor.
I’ll admit I’m a hopeless romantic at times. That Love Jones, BrownSugar, Love & Basketball kind of love story that melts your heart and reminds you about the various avenues of love. I’m #SteeleThankful for true love and the heartbreak lessons I’ve experienced along the way. Those moments have allowed me to receive the power of the four letter word…Love.
What are you #SteeleThankful for?