Who am I? When hiding gets tough.
I’m currently still floating after spending the weekend at the Center for Documentary Studies at Duke University. The four day intensive retreat was jam packed with information, feedback, and an artistic atmosphere. This was my second year attending, I must say I enjoy the feeling of always learning something new!
At the end of the retreat each student is provided five minutes to present their documentary project in front of their classmates, and a panel of experts for feedback. This is the FIRST time I was faced with the skeleton in my closet that I had to deal with.
I have numerous projects. I have this website where I house my personal journey, historical facts, a snippet of what I do on Periscope with #GriefTalkTuesday and a few links to my other projects (children’s book and grief platform). Why aren’t they housed under the same site? I mean after all it’s me doing all of them. There was a comment during my presentation that stuck with me. Why do I function under a different alias? I have to think about what am I hiding from? Or should I say who am I hiding from?
For most of my life I’ve lived for the approval of others. That’s exhausting. As much as I’ve tried to break the habit it creeps back into my life in another way. The fear of judgment can hover over your life, and that’s an uncomfortable feeling. It’s almost as if your in a locked box, and someone else has the key.
I’ve always lived a life of seclusion, and in some cases that’s okay. At this time in my life I need to own all of the decisions I’ve made thus far, and make no apologies for them because it’s my journey!
I mean my friends call me “Carmen Sandiego” for goodness sake. I’ve always had a mystery about me. Well, look at my tag line, “the girl behind the lens.” I enjoy being behind the scenes. How can anyone trust me if I’m not willing to let my guard down? I’m living my daily life as Ronnika, but I’m also R.J who writes a children’s book series and creating a platform to talk about grief. On occasion I’m Carmen Sandiego, and to my family I have numerous nicknames which is another post lol.
My attempt at being transparent is functioning on different sites as an alias. That approach won’t work anymore. This week I will restructure my platforms. No more will I hide from the greatness that is inside of me, nor will I hide behind the platforms that I am creating to make this world a better place. I’ve told you before that this is a journey and I’m continuously learning. I’m learning more about my craft, and especially more about myself.
Now, I’m not saying I’m eliminating the mystery from my life because that element is important for my writing projects. I’m saying that this is a process to eliminate barriers in order to bring you amazing content that will change the world. I’m owning the hats that I’ve been chosen to wear.
Hi, my name is Ronnika. I also go by R.J. I’m the Author of a children’s book series called the Adventures of Alleykats. You can purchase the book by clicking here.
I’m a Documentarian and I created a platform to talk about grief and it’s titled, “The Final 48 Project.” Last but not least I am a trained Archivist (MLS), and I’m the girl behind the lens on SteeleLens.com
I welcome you to my world as I continue on this journey of transparency, and entrepreneurship!