I’m continuing to unpack my grief,  and dedicated to sharing my findings on Periscope and my other social media outlets.

My first post on this site is the story of my emotional rollercoaster with education.  If you want to read the original post, click here.

Within the post I talked about my frustration and bitterness when it came to the decisions that were made after high school.  Briefly, I mentioned a story about my dad writing a check for what happened to be my final semester at that college.  Well, I stated before that I’ve been going through my dad’s papers for the past couple of weeks.  Even though he was quite organized, his papers would always produce a surprise.

I was looking through old bills and bank statements, just in case there was another family photo accidentally wrapped in the papers.  I didn’t find any pictures in the thick stack of bank statements, I found something else; a check.

Years ago, banks would return the check to the source after the check was cleared.  I honestly don’t remember this because I didn’t write many checks, but my sister remembered this practice.

I picked up the check, and glanced at the writing for at least 10 seconds.  Every space of that check was occupied, and immediately sent me back to the place where the check was written.  The check was written at the Accounting Clerk’s window, and I was standing on the left side of my dad.  The three sheets of paper that accompanied the check was my class schedule and bill for that semester (featured photo from Periscope). The same semester, I decided months later that I was NEVER returning to that school as a student.  The check represented a shift in my relationship with my dad, and my education.

Clearly my dad believed in me.  My dad believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself.  Sadly, I still didn’t care that semester.  I was so unhappy, and I took his help for granted.  It happens in life sometimes, others around you are rooting for you before you begin to cheer for yourself.  I had to realize he did that to secure a better life for me, not for him.  The next semester I decided to go to a new school, and I didn’t ask him for the help to pay the bill.  I wanted to prove to myself and him that I could do it.  My goal was to move beyond the guilt and disappointment.  I’m not here to apologize for my past, life happens and hopefully we learn a thing or two from it.

You have to want better for yourself.  That’s exactly what I had to tell myself.  The only way to move out of your current situation is to work harder.  Finding the check reminds me that I need to work harder to get to the next level.  I would have never rediscovered my passion if it wasn’t for him writing this check.  Keep Pushing!